Samantha’s lazy eye and poor interview skills determined her an unfit candidate for the toy drive. So, she hung with me for the week during which time she underwent a transformation.
If I had a pet monkey, I would capitalize on his tiny hands and impressive manual dexterity. He could reach up into the vending machine and get us free candy. I would teach him to drive, because I’m not a fan of that chore…and pump my gas. I hate pumping gas.
He would cautiously apply false eyelashes for me. I have never been able to do this myself, and I would trust him to apply adhesive prudently.
He would dress well so people would understand he is to be treated with respect. I’m a fan of the vest and suspenders, but would allow for his fashion input as well. Just no sweatpants. Never sweatpants!
He would have a good appetite and appreciate all the same foods as I . After finishing his meal, he would always be willing to eat my leftovers so I won’t get mad to have forgotten the to-go box at the table.
I could get him his very own smartphone and we could share a data plan. We would save so much money texting each other!
And of course, I would name him Kevin.
I remember, when we used to jump off the roof.
We lived on the corner. It was a spectacular view of the neighborhood. We thought nothing of climbing the fence to the roof.
I wish I had a better camera back then. I could have gotten some great shots.
We were talking about this the other day. Sadly, after the age of 30 you can’t leap off a roof gracefully, (or without hurting yourself), nor break-dance without a spotter.
You are a bisque porcelain Kewpie, but you are much more than that to me.
Your naiveté is quite charming. Remember the first time I took you on the train? You wanted to talk to everyone; every gang-banger, hobo, and escaped mental-patient? I’m glad we got that under control.
You are a remarkable Wingman. Effortlessly you network; an indispensable quality in a sidekick. Oh, the mixing and mingling we have done in our travels! You have been a surprisingly effective personality filter for those we meet. Those who scorn us suggesting we are crazy for hanging out together, fail to think outside the box. They snap to judgment and eventually prove to be dull company. I can’t wait until you encounter your first movie star or super-hero!
Many great ideas have emerged from your tiny imagination. If only we had more time to pursue all of them. Your most recent idea, “Abandoned Couch Tour 2013”, (a photographic exploration of discarded alleyway furniture), is a truly brilliant concept!
Q, you are strong in spirit, but fragile in form. The time I repaired your dangly arm, your bravery was impressive! I hope you never accidentally take a tumble, or even worse – I drop you.
Our future together is uncertain. I am confident your creator, Rose O’Neill, would be incredibly proud if she could see our blog.